if someone tries to commit suicide there’s a reason if someone tries to hurt someone else there’s a reason if someone is willing to work 18-hour days there’s a reason if someone doesn’t want to work there’s a reason here’s the good news having dealt with literally tens of millions of people from hundreds of countries or more than a hundred countries to be accurate I could be an idiot this point and have to see there are patterns there are patterns that will make you angry and patterns it’ll make you sad their patterns will excite you the patterns will make you grateful the patterns will make you completely worried all the time their patterns that’ll make you feel so absolutely certain you can run through an effing wall once you know what the patterns are you can get rid of the ones that don’t work and adopt some ones that do more often and that’s a good part of what we’re gonna do the next few days to give you a perspective but the most important pattern understand is why people do what they do so as I told you I’ve had a unique gift I’ve had the chance to travel the world at this stage of life where literally the world is available all of us in a few hours but what I want you understand is everybody has a reason for what they do but the good news is there’s only six reasons there are lots of different stories but I can tell you by experience being around the world there’s only six reasons and those six reasons are called the six human needs and I’m gonna walk you through these now I need you to manage your stay for the next few minutes because we’re gonna go a little deeper on content but we’re gonna do it only so in the future for the next three days when somebody stands up you’re gonna look at them and you’re gonna go what’s driving them and I’m gonna ask you which of these needs are driving them because once you know what drives somebody you know to meet their needs or you can predict their behavior and see whether or not the other right corporate match personal match intimate match because you have to understand it so what are these six needs they are not goals they are not desires if you travel with me around the world you’ll see every culture has different goals everybody has different desires but we all the same needs what are they number one is the need for certainty certainty now what the hell is certainty certainty is a survival need we all need to feel certain that we can avoid pain and that ideally we can have some comfort why coz continuous pain would mean continuous damage continuous damage eventually means death so the need for certainty is built into every human being and I’m gonna show you now in the next few minutes if you stay with me and I really need to do so make sure you say sit up in your chair and focus on this area because after this we’re gonna kick in gear again but right now you got to take this in it’ll be so valuable not just for this weekend before your life all human beings have the same six needs so why do we behave differently because the only thing different in people is two things we all have the same six needs but we don’t value them equally some people certainty is the number one thing they value if they’re certainly driven you try to change anything they freak out they get fearful or they get angry or they get pissed off because what matters most of them is keeping things the same way where they feel like they’re in control rage and if you fall that’s an example some people they value love much more than certainty some people value certainly more than love so even though they love you if they don’t feel certain they won’t open completely right just as one example so the difference in people we’re all the same six needs the difference is which of the top two you value most out of these six because these top two determine your direction in life and direction if you keep moving in direction it leads you to an ultimate destination or destiny so we want to understand what your top two needs are and same thing with other people this weekend when somebody stands up often I’ll say what’s driving in right now and I want you to see within a very short time eight thousand people from forty four countries will all be saying the same thing it’ll be that obvious to you you’ll be a practical psychologist by the time we’re done here so now if we know what these needs are and person values them differently we also have to find out two people could have the same need but they have a different belief about what it takes to be loved or a different need about what it takes to be certain some people to assert need $10,000,000,000 some people to cert and just need to pray to God somebody to be a certain need to feel like they have three perfect children and they’re there every day some people that feel cert and feel certain because I’ve always figured it out I don’t know what’s gonna happen but I know I’ll figure it out because I always have you can get certainty from your past you get certainty from God you get certainly been working out tensley you get certainty by eating food too much food especially will put comfort in your body if you overeat all the blood goes in your stomach you start breathing again so we all need certainty the only question is it number one two three four five or six on your list and the second question is what does your brain say has to happen to be certain some people have certainty it’s impossible to meet the young lady over here who was sitting in the chair before we intervened how to blueprint that’s never going to be met if the literally would make her unhappy regularly so we got to know what needs you’re after and what’s your blueprint how many got a feeling at least when I’m explaining you right now it makes some sense to you say I can awesome so the first need is certainty how can we meet our need for certainty we can do it ways that are positive neutral or negative I can get certainty in a heartbeat if all I want to do is get really pissed off and freaked out about something when you get angry do you get certain yes or no you better believe it so some people get angry all the time because it’s their way to get certainty in a life that’s uncertain it has all kinds of negative side effects but it works in the moment so listen to me now most people meet their needs in a way that works in the moment but not long-term so they feel good for a short time like a sugar high and then they drop emotional and they got to do it again whether its food or smoking or drinking or whatever it is so you can meet your needs in positive ways neutralize your negative ways so if I came along here and I said what’s your name sir chase chase I want to make a deal with you how much do you weigh 246 we’re gonna weigh you in five minutes he says he weighs 246 if you’re within that range I’m fine here’s my deal I will give you I’m gonna put fifty million dollars u.s. cash tonight into an escrow account for you they’re gonna weigh you if you lose 50 pounds tomorrow morning by 8:30 a.m. you will receive that 50 million otherwise they get it back can you do it yes or no no sure you can take off a leg take it on and we can get you a house there there’s no question chase is the goal obtainable yes or no is it achievable is it obtainable yes or no but it’s not sustainable and that’s how most people meet their needs they use a drug or alcohol or food or cigarettes or something to get comfortable to get certainty back but the problem is that has side effects long-term works in the short-term doesn’t the long-term main if you follow say I so you could get certainty by overeating or smoking or drinking what happens you smoke a cigarette take a deep breath in and you blow it out nice and long and slow full exhale when most of you are stressed how many noticed that you either stop breathing while you breathe really shallow how many have noticed this in the past so you smoke a cigarette and in the moment it meets your need for comfort uncertainty it’s killing you but it works short-term that’s how most people live their life you can get certainty by working out if you go on a run really intensely or you go lift weights and you push yourself and all that blood starts pulsing through you do you feel certain yes or no and what’s the downside zero so there are ways to meet your needs that are empowering neutral or disempowered the parts of our life we don’t like our problems why would we keep a problem we’re all capable of solving it why would we keep a problem the only reason you have a problem that’s stuck around is because it meets some of your needs not all of them or you would want to get rid of it but enough of them that makes it hard to give up it’s kind of like who’s ever been in a relationship way too long let me see your hats and how many knew what was wrong while you were there let me see your hands so why the F did you stay there because of the uncertainty because well you know I you know I’m not thoroughly happy I’m kind of unhappy but I might be worse if I was totally alone what if this is the best one I’m never gonna get and I screwed it out but what happened was most of you had that feeling talked yourself back down into the relationship multiple times until one day you had a threshold will your brain when it was faint on the past its leave on the process it’s gonna be people to feel drive out of here who’s done this before say I so there is a threshold that we can find and if we find that threshold we can break through it pretty damn easily we can shift we can get to where we really want to go so what I want you to get is of these six needs we all find a way to meet them the only difference again is which are your top two out of the six and I’ve told you certainty so far and what are your beliefs or rules or what your blueprint how to get that her blueprint was make please everybody which is impossible so it won’t work raise your hand if you follow okay so let’s take a look what’s the second human II well first of all you can get certainty in so many ways you get certainty by praying to God you can get certainty by doing a ritual the same way every time you can get certainty by lowering your expectations saying nothing ever works nothing ever will everybody screws things up you’ll lose your dream but you’ll gain your need by the way jot this down people will give up their goals and dreams to meet their needs people will give up their goals and dreams they’ll even give up their own values to meet their needs I’ll give you an example how many of you in this room consider yourself to be an honest person very honest person raise your hand if you consider yourself to be very honest raise your hand nice and high okay drop your hand raise your hand if you lie let me see your chance if you’ll I can explain it to me later here’s how it works see in your mind you know who you are why would someone lie who values honesty no one told you to be honest you want to be honest because if you think being honest is gonna cost you one of your needs like love or certainty you’ll lie you call it a white lie but you lot who knows what I’m talking about now there’s some people that never lie because they value certainty of always telling the truth so much I have to do with their rules or their belief structures this make sense so tell me something you can meet the need for certainly so many ways right so here’s the question you can go ahead here’s the question what if you were certain every moment of your life what was gonna happen before it happened what if you knew what people are gonna say before they’re gonna say what if you could feel what they’re gonna feel what if you could what if you knew every moment before it happened what people are going to say and do in the beginning that would feel really exciting but after a while if you know what’s gonna happen when it’s gonna happen how it’s gonna happen tell me what you’re gonna feel after a while what do you start to feel tell me what bored out of your mind that’s why God in her infinite wisdom gave us a second human need and that second human need is uncertainty we have a need for uncertainty we have a need for a surprise we have a need for variety in fact what’s the phrase variety is the WOD of life spice of life now how many of you in this room raise your hand how many of you in this room love surprises raise hand if you love them say I both you love the surprises you want the surprises you don’t want you don’t want you call them problems don’t you so don’t tell me you like surprises you like the surprise as you want here’s my point can you meet more than one need with the same action or emotion or belief system yes or no write this down anytime any time your mind any time your mind perceives that doing something anytime your mind perceives that doing something believing something or feeling something meets at least three of your needs so anytime your mind perceives that doing something feeling something or believing something meets at least three of your needs then you will become addicted to that thought that feeling that emotion or that action you can be positively addicted or negatively addicted but you’re going to be addicted any time your brain perceives that’s something you believe do or feel meets three of your needs you’ll get addicted to it now I’m going to show you why this is important let’s look at two needs for a second is it possible to meet your need for certainty and uncertainty simultaneously even though they’re opposite needs yes or no I give an example who here has ever rented a movie that you’ve already seen let me see a show of hands get a life now I’ve done it too why would it in a movie we’ve already seen we’d ran it why because we’ve seen it before so we’re certain it’s good and we’re hoping it’s been so long we forgot enough it’ll be variety we watch it again who knows what I’m talking about here say I so you can meet both needs but if you meet three needs you’ll become addicted to that behavior whether it’s a good behavior a bad behavior doesn’t matter it’ll be a positive addiction or negative diction but you’ll be addicted so let me give you how do you get variety you get variety in positive ways negative whether it’s your neutral ways you get variety by learning growing taking on a new goal a new challenge you get variety through a conversation with a friend you get variety by praying to God there’s so many ways to get variety aren’t that but you can also get variety of negative ways you can smoke a joint and maybe that’s not a negative way but it sure will change your state but in a side effect right during that time you’re not gonna function maybe at the same peak or understanding or some people use other things cigarettes alcohol anything there’s so many ways to get variety the question is are your ways positive neutral negative or empowering how many follow because we all have ways they’re getting that variety that uncertainty so here’s what I want you to do third human need is significance the need to feel unique the need to feel special yes I hope that picture makes you feel special okay the need to feel unique special important who has the need to be needed to feel special unique important who do you think has that need who has it tell me who what about people say I don’t want to be special do they still want to be special yes or no you bet your ass they do bowsprit s too much now they don’t want to be so special that you attack them they might want to stay undercover so to speak but they still want to feel special they want to feel unique they want to feel needed they want to feel important so there are lots of ways to feel special you can do it by working your ass off huge risks in achieving something to feel special or you can tear down everybody else that’s trying to build something because there’s two ways to have the tallest building in town one is work your ass off take rest build the tallest building the other one is blow up everybody else’s building and by the way which one’s faster which one’s easier which takes less intelligence and less money tearing shit down it happens faster so that’s why we’ve always had violence and we always will unless there’s a consciousness change if I live in a tough part of the community I’m in the hood and you can walk through my community and you don’t notice me and I feel insignificant I might take things into my own hands to feel significant if all of a sudden I put a gun to your head tell me on a 0 to 10 scale how certain am I you’re gonna respond to me now when I put that gun to your head 0 to 10 10 is absolute zeros not at all where would you put it quick yeah a hundred it’s a true but also when I put my gun to your head how significant am I to you in your life even if you didn’t know me a minute ago if I got a gun in your head how significant on my zero to ten hundred I’m the most significant thing in your life and a moment ago you didn’t know existed and they don’t even the intelligence I don’t need background the education all I needs a gun and their will to do it oh by the way just in case there’s not enough fare to be an addiction when I put that gun to your head every time that happens it’s gonna be a different game I know you’re gonna respond to me I know I’m significant but what you’re gonna say and do is different so I get variety so you made three needs but violence doesn’t end there because the fourth human need is connection and love and most people are too afraid to love because they’ve loved and been disappointed or they’ve loved and then lost the love it was so painful that now they settle for the crumbs of connection because that’s safer so it’s a form of the need but a low level to me but it’s still part of the need we gotta meet it so if you’re going for connection and love if I cut my gun to his head on a zero to ten I’m a ten of certainty I’m a 10 of significant to him I’m gonna have a ton of variety but are we also connected in a sick way but deeply connected in this moment yes or no on a zero to 10 how much connection is there between our lives at this moment when to put the gun there 100 how many followers say I so violence meets for the human needs and that’s why we’ve always had it that’s why Isis exists that’s why people do the stupid things they do as they do it to try to meet their needs the biggest cause of violence so if you’ll notice is 95% of time when it’s a terrorist it’s a male why is that because in the human nervous system if you’re masculine testosterone is probably large in you with your man or woman if you’re more masculine you got a lot of testosterone testosterone is about dominance it’s about significance it’s about domination and the higher that is the more they want it if they look at their life and they’re not dominating and they get really frustrated they’ll do a final act men will die for significance women will die for love now some men will die for love too so you know but biochemically a female is wired to be able to nurture and to support human beings we wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for everyone in this room because we all came through one oh we wouldn’t existed there’s no man that could make this happen but the women have and the reason is because they have that connecting power as their strength now can any man become more loved driven yes can any woman be more significant driven yes but our biochemistry leads us that way which is why a terrorist will come up and do what they’re doing and kill someone because all they give it about is domination is that I’m significant and they want certainty in a world where they feel uncertain and they want variety in life that is incredibly boring in the middle of the condenser where there’s nothing and no one’s working where you got 30 % of population unemployed what am I gonna do work at McDonald’s or go kill people kill people feels more exciting right now how many follow what I’m talking about here say I now can you get significance in positive ways of course you can be significantly more generous than anyone else and that generosity gives you a sense of significance because you know you’re really a giver you’re not trading you’re not exchanging you really are giving and it makes you feel full it makes you feel significant as you know the truth no matter what you tell people verbal you know it’s true inside and no one can mess with that you can get significance by the way you dress you can have significance by having more tattoos and earrings and more locations than any of us want to know but the bottom line is there’s a mint you can know more about box scores and sports to be significant everyone finds a way to be significant most people find a way to be significant by having a significant problem why because if I’m really successful you might like me for a while but after a while most people get annoyed with someone who’s always happy and successful easy for you who knows what I’m talking about here raise your head right but if you got big-ass problems who’s gonna be upset with you you’re not competing with them you have huge problems ago I understand but if you’re doing really well it’s like easy for you so most of us unconsciously learn to create big problems as a way to connect because it’s the safest way to connect and not be rejected some of you do it like she does by trying to please everybody all the time thinking if I pleased you enough then you’ll come to me you’ll give me what I’m really wanting to which is what she wants but it doesn’t work that way it works sometimes but not all the time and not even the majority of the time how many follow your say I so we have what needs so far number one is nice and loud number one is certainty certainly you can be comfortable you can avoid pain you can survive you can be comfortable second you means the need for uncertainty also need for variety or surprise what’s the third human need the need for to feel unique to feel special to feel important who has that need who has that need everyone and the fourth need is need for connection and most people settle for connection because love is too scary because they love it was so wonderful and it went away and they don’t want that pain anymore so they want love but they settle for connection so if you can’t get love or connection anywhere else buy a dog don’t get a cat they’re independent get a dog is it true you could be the dumbass owner you cannot even feed them you can leave for five hours do you leave for five minutes and it’s like you’ve been gone for six months or so sighs right so anyone can feel connection and love you can do it through prayer you can do it to good gifts you can do it by dressing special you can do it by having big problems the only question in life is not whether you’re going to meet your needs the only question is how and is it obtainable or sustainable is it empowering neutral or negative and if you want to change your life will power never laughs but when something meets more of your needs it’s effortless if you want to know what the biggest addiction is in our culture it’s not alcohol it’s not some form of prescription drug it’s not an illicit drug it’s problems because problems allow us to try to deal with our deepest fear that were not enough and we won’t be loved by saying it’s not me at this problem it’s just I have ADHD it’s just that I’ve been through this it’s just if so most people meet their needs through problems unfortunately they don’t meet their deepest needs because up until now we’ve described the first four needs which are the basic needs of your personality but what well if everyone by the way finds a way to meet these first four needs even if they lie to yourself if you got to work 20 hour days you will find a way to meet your need for certainty uncertainty significance even it’s just you have worse problems anybody else connection to yourself you’ll find a way but the final two needs are the needs that create fulfilment and they are the spiritual needs not religious but spiritual the fifth human need is gross we’ve already said it we grow all we want there’s no way around it if your business isn’t growing it’s dying if your relationship isn’t growing it’s dying there are no plateaus in this life who’s with me here say I so growth is life and if you want a one-word key to happiness I’ll give it to you right now because it’s real obvious having working millions of people progress equals happiness if you’re not even where you want to be you’re still overweight you’re still financially struggling you’re still not where you want to be in your career but you start working out you mean what’s the weight yet but you start feeling better you start making progress or you start to change that business still not there yet but you’re making progress or change that relationship or change your body or change your health any time you start making progress your happiness will go through the roof anytime you achieve things and you don’t set up something new to go for it quickly you’ll lose momentum in a short time you won’t be so happy because the law of familiarity will come in and this thing that once with this big dream will now just be something that you’re used to so the purpose of a goal is not to get the goal the purpose of a goal is who we become to achieve it what you get will never make you happy who you become will make you very happy we’re very sad to think upon how you approach it but what do you do with your life so our approach here is we want to grow and then the six human need is the need for contribution the need to step out of ourselves see how many of you in this room when something great happens how many of you can’t help yourself you immediately want to share that with somebody you love how many immediately that’s your first thought say I why because you can only feel so much yourself I don’t care if it’s sex drugs rock and roll whatever it is there’s only so much pleasure you can internally have you want to share that concert with someone you want to share that experience with someone because by sharing it becomes more it’s more than just you growth and contribution our fifth and six needs they are spiritual needs they are the needs to fulfill us everybody finds a way to feel somewhat certain some variety some significance in it they’ve got to tear people down some connection but very few people grow continuously and contribute continuously which is where all the joy is how many follow here say I so we’re gonna make a couple distinctions but first of all can you meet somebody in a few minutes start to pick up which needs might be driving the most yes or no yes or no of course you can in fact I’ll give an example I was flying I don’t notice five six seven years ago I was flying the small plane across the country and I was being the pilot and I landed it in Kansas City and I land in Kansas excuse me I’m in Kansas and I’m in this little airport in Kansas and I get out of the plane and this young man comes running out and he’s like so enthusiastic and so just such a sweet good soul you know you just you meet a guy great hit off this kid and he says what can I do for you I told him I’m just flying through it you need to refuel you knows how much you need I said just fill her up he goes no problem I lead as I leave him come around the plane to walk up the steps to go into the FBO the fixed based operation was stopping for the moment I went up up uses of the facilities and there’s a young girl sitting on the stairs here and she looks really intense she’s gothic you know that goth makeup she’s got I don’t remember the exact number but like 15 earrings on one here one through the nose really intense looking little character so I noticed her on the way in and as I walk up the steps I walk but you know by her go inside and when I came back out the steps are really wide so I sat on the step just beside her she’s like one person away and she looks up me goes what do you want I said were you up she’sa nothing I said nothing and then we just sat there she’s like you know in her space and I said actually there is something I’d like to know I said you don’t have to tell me but I’m gonna leave here in a few minutes you’re never gonna meet me again set your boyfriend out there she goes we’ll sorta like she wants him to be right it’s nice I said he seems like a really really nice kid he’s not nice he’s strong she tells me I see I okay well I think he’s strong in nice she said well maybe he is I said you know I’m gonna leave in a couple minutes but I’m just curious I said how do you she goes what does it matter I said it doesn’t and I’m about to leave so why don’t you tell me she said I’m 13 and I about fell over I mean this girl I mean 17 be the youngest I put her told him made me a makeup made up in every detail right so I’m like wow she goes are you surprised I said yeah I’m really surprised she goes did you think I was older I said yeah I said and that kind of saddened me a little bit for you she said what no no I said I’m curious I’m gonna leave here in a few minutes it’s cause you’re curious about a lot of things I said how come and I’m making up the number it may have been 13 but it was more than 12 how comes 13 or 15 earrings and she says to me because everybody else has 5 now if I don’t tell you anything else about this young lady what would you say is the number-one need that’s driving her at this stage of her life right now nice and loud go which one nice allowed how many said significance raise your hand absolutely right you can see it easily but people are driven by more than one thing and as I’m watching her in this really tough ass approach and thinking about how she’s adapted to be unique and significant I looked down and I see she has a keychain and it’s a Tigger keychain you know Tigger the Disney character we need the Pooh Tigger and I go cool keychain and she goes yeah and all sudden I saw a little girl there for a second and I said Tigger I said where’d you get that she goes well my dad got it for me and she all of a sudden there’s a 13 year old girl there it’s totally amazing and I said really she goes yeah I really love taker I even have Tigger curtains and I have a Tigger sheets I mean it’s embarrassing but I love Tigers so tell me something this woman’s need she meets her need for significance by doing what being gothic being different than everybody else 15 earrings tough-ass makeup but she’s still a little girl she has another need called certain date and comfort and where she got that Tigger and her dad and you could see it right there in front of him after this weekend you will never see the world the same way if you stay awake instead of seeing people’s behaviors you’re gonna see their attempts to meet their needs and when people do stupid things they’re just starving to meet their needs and they’re finding something that isn’t very effective or it’s effective short-term but hurts some long-term and because you’ve done this you can have compassion how many of you have something on the list more than one where you’re doing dumbass things to meet some of your needs and even though it doesn’t meet all your needs and meet some of them and so you keep doing it let me see it your hands here say hi so we want to shift that the Tony Robbins podcast is directed by Tony Robbins and hosted by a New York Kerry song is our executive producer Taylor Culbertson is our associate producer Jamie carvahal and Adriel dealer today are digital editors special thanks to Diane Adcock and Mary buchheit for their creative review copyright Robbins Research International [Music]